Bannon and Scalia Not the Same Person

Vidalia Unjon

Washington – Experts have come forth with definitive proof today that Steve Bannon is in fact not the reincarnation of the late Antonin Scalia. Nor did Justice Scalia fake his death and begin disguising himself by donning a fright wig and initiating a campaign to make Donald Trump, look normal by comparison. They are in fact two mostly different individuals and have in the past existed at the same time in separate places.

Speculation had been abroad in some circles that President Trump had wanted to nominate Mr. Bannon for the Supreme Court seat vacated by Justice Scalia in order to maintain continuity.

Now that Scalia’s shoes have not been filled by Bannon, although the two men’s sizes are in fact uncannily similar in dimension both width

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A Supreme Group of Marchers

Solomon Fabreez

Washington – The Patriot Front staged a colorful parade downtown here yesterday, marching to the stirring beat of a snare drum. Members were festively attired in sunglasses, blue jackets, khaki pants, and beige hats. Some carried plastic shields seeming to emulate the heroic riot police who stood by and watched.

Asked about the reason for the march, their spokesperson said, “Our demonstrations are an exhibition of our seeking an America that more closely resembles the interests of its true people.” The marchers wore white face masks in accordance with COVID-19 precautions, and probably also to hide their own racial features to show that all races and ethnicities could be included in the “true people.”

At night’s end, a U-Haul van richly appointed with straps to hang onto made repeated trips to transport the marchers to their base. LeShawn Jefferson, who runs a local charter bus company said he offered the group a discounted rate to provide transportation for the group. “I do have some white drivers, but

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Mario’s Bros. Lose Again

Tortio Linga

New York – Former governor Mario Cuomo’s two sons, Andrew (And) and Christopher (Cwiss) are both out of work now, as the former was forced to resign as governor and the latter, suspended for later informally forming an alliance with the former to prevent the former from falling off the ladder was fired late Friday.

The Cuomo family, traces its lineage back to Ancient Rome where the name derives from the Latin Qu’e homo (What man?), said to have originated when the original Cuomo, originally a German named Fred Schmerz, was ordered to order a man to ordain another man as an orderly for the Order of Orpheus. Schmerz is said to have said, “What man? And thereafter he was known as Qu’e homo. Later formally Anglicized as Cuomo.

Due to the intense rivalry the two brothers are said to have between themselves, it is said that it’s anyone’s guess to say which brother will find himself his brother’s keeper as much as his self’s keeper and keep the family name from falling into the obscurity for which its original Qu’e homo meaning might be appropriately appropriated or possibly even reverting to the the original Schmerz.