Select Committee Subpoenas Stone and Jones

Ed DeWard Edwards

Washington – The House select committee investigating the January 6 attempt to overthrow the government and install Donald Trump as the president has summoned Roger Stone, a convicted felon, and Alex Jones, an internet entertainment phenomenon who recently declared that no reasonable person would believe anything he had to say. Critics have wondered what good interviewing such men as these would ever produce. 

Nevertheless, the committee is interested in what information these men may have about the events of that day and their involvement in the conspiracy to overturn the results of the 2020 election.

“We want to leave no stone unturned in our quest for the truth,” one staffer said in answer to why the two were being subpoenaed. Turning Roger Stone over would of course reveal the tattoo of Richard Nixon on his back, which some have speculated Nixon put there himself. It is unknown what Mr. Jones may have on his back.

Black Friday Disappointments

Vidalia Unjon

Black Friday, one of the busiest shopping days of the year, a day when in years past mall retailers were mobbed with customers, arrived and departed this year with another decrease in sales. Economists have laid the blame on online shopping, which grows in volume with every holiday season.

Others point to the fact that many mall shoppers have died in recent years, although in fact this year only three people were shot, and another three suffered injuries during the subsequent stampede, according to a police spokesperson. Meanwhile not even one person was injured when mobs stormed into stores in Los Angeles smashing fixtures and running off with merchandise.

Mostly the deaths of mall shoppers are from old age, as younger shoppers find shopping in nonvirtual environments disorienting. “Touching like thing things, not like my phone screen—you don’t know who else touched it before?” explained nineteen-year-old Meli Blotz of Pulpo City.

The new corona virus variant, named “omicron” may also be playing a role in the weak sales, some suggested, as it is thought to be more contagious as well as more virulent. Shoppers apparently are staying home and selling off their stocks as the market plunges into depression territory and the entire

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Thanks, Castro

Archie Fay

Miami – This week, people celebrated Thanksgiving all over  America. But here in Miami, Cuban Americans were giving special celebratory thanks for the death of Fidel Castro, who died at the age of ninety exactly 5 years ago Thursday.

Mr. Castro ruled over Cuba for over 50 years, yet he never purchased a good razor and wore only olive fatigues for most of his adult life. The baggy shirt came with oversized pockets that emphasized the sagging torso and epaulets that marked the weak slope of his shoulders. The pants were of an identical color and fabric and it is unknown whether they were cuffed, as Mr. Castro usually stuffed them into  boots of poor-quality  leather. At times he might sport a jaunty beret, but more often it was a military cap bereft of any stylish bravado.

Mr. Castro’s eyewear was another arrestingly uncomplimentary choice. In his later years he was sometimes seen in metal or faux metal frames, distinguished by the bas-couture of

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