State of the Yoo-Hoo

Archie Fay

Washington – President Joe Biden’s second State of the Union address on Tuesday established the annual event as a new entry in the world of attention-grabbing fashion statements. The mesmerizing marvel of fashion flourish initially focused on Arizona Senator Kyrsten Sinema, who brought a bold new approach to blooming straight out of her garments like a danseuse au bouquet de fleurs or perhaps a bespectacled marigold.

Or perhaps it was a flight metaphor she was reaching for in her canary-yellow winged-sleeved dress, reportedly designed by one Felix DeKatz. No doubt the dress was meant to signify the tweety Twitter cacophony above which she now soars like a great yellow Phoenix, Arizona version.

The Sinematic senator, once a Democrat and now significantly independent seemed to insinuate to her hidebound congressional colleagues her self-discovery in newfound liberation from petty partisan politics, the like of which could be found frothing forth all over the House chamber.

A case in point was Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, of Georgia, who cheekily took the spotlight, repeatedly betraying her harrumphing of the president’s address with demure shouts of “Liar!” and downward pointed thumbs.

Greene in white

But Greene’s more flamboyant statements were announced via the white alpaca wool coat that she gathered round her frame out of which poked her unrestrained ebullience in a radiant white fur collar.

Reports are that the fur was stripped from a still-writhing, blood-soaked quadruped of unrecognizable species found in the backwoods of Georgia.

Greene, later posted on social media a complaint that Biden was tastelessly “yelling” during the address.

Hunter’s Bird

Joe Poe

Washington – The House Republican investigations into Hunter Biden’s laptop began Wednesday with the scrutinizing of potential attempts to influence his father’s politics via business deals in Ukraine or China.

Hunter Biden’s art is extremely important in the investigation. For example, why is that bluebird turned away from the viewer as if he doesn’t care that we are staring at him asking ourselves why we are not even being acknowledged in our wondering what he is looking at? Is he thinking about his laptop that he forgot to pick up at the computer shop and was stolen by some people who showed it to Rudolph Giuliani?

Laptop consternation grows

Or maybe he is thinking about trees. Trees are where birds live. And so many trees are in Hunter Biden’s art. What do all those strange trees signify with things that look like pepperoni coins hanging from them? Was Putin trying to give Hunter Biden money for his trees so he would tell them what Joe Biden was going to do if he invaded Ukraine? What else was on the laptop? Are there door dash orders for pepperoni pizza, which looks like a medallion with little coins all over it? Plus cheese?

The laptop has become an obsession of Republican investigators because it contains documents that might indicate Hunter Biden was pedaling influence. Plus it has pictures of the son of the president of the United States without his clothes on.

Another Balloon Thing

Vern Huchu

Washington – The US military shot down yet another high-altitude “object” that was sailing around over the coast of Alaska on Thursday, according to officials.

“We are calling this an ‘object’ because that is how we describe things when we don’t know what else to call it,” announced a spokesperson from the Pentagon. “We also don’t call it a UFO,” he added, even though it is an object that is unidentified and was flying.

This was a much smaller object than the Chinese balloon shot down last weekend, about the size of a small car, leading to speculation that the object could be a Chinese automobile, possibly a 2023 Jetour compact station wagon with a 1.5-litre turbo engine mated to a 6-speed manual transmission or a 6-speed dual clutch transmission or a 1.6-litre turbo engine mated to a 7-speed CDT gearbox. Or something like that.

It has long been suspected that the Chinese have wanted to penetrate the American automobile market. The desire seems to have taken on new intensity now that Joe Biden’s “buy American” slogan has begun to chip away at the Chinese stranglehold on manufacturing. This incident could be the opening salvo in a new initiative to increase demand for Chinese products by surreptitiously floating high-end automobile models onto car dealers’lots thereby giving them leverage over American manufacturers.

Possible UFO

People all over America would be turning in their Chevys and Fords for Cherys and FAWs, or at least that would be the hope, or at least that would be the guess of the hope, or the stab-in-the-dark conjecture of the guess of what the hope might eventually turn out to be. In any case, it seems evident that the Chinese are behind all of this, given their advanced gasbag technology.